the condom got lost in my hair
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
