He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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