So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
