A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
