there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
