I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
