Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
