Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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