that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
