Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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