I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
