I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
True but thats because hes a fetus.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
