dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Let's get the cat blown out
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
