We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
