I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
