I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
