apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
