everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
