I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
