she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
