New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
