I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
