I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
