I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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