Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm too high and old for this...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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