The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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