I looked at my own cervix.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is wine microwaveable?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
