yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Tell her she can't have a vagina
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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