New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize