Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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