New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
