this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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