At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize