She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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