I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
