my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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