he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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