so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
