My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
