And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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