I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
