i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
