Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

She's JV to your varsity

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(845): View more from New York

I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.

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(801): View more from Utah

What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."

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(347): View more from New York

just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner

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(207): View more from Maine

well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?

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(313): View more from Michigan

Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity

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(317): View more from Indiana

Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?

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