he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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