don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
