I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
