My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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