he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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