He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
