Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
