My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
try to milk me bitch
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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