By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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