i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
