Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
