the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
