batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
