NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
