I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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