i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
