So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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