i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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