I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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