White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
