hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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