I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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