There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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