There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
