i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
