my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
MIDGETS
????
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
