While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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