Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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