ugly people sure do ruin things
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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