Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
