either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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