Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
