Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
