I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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