Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
