my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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