Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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