Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
