Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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