Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize