Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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