Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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