ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
