mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
