you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
