capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
