I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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