By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
