There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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