At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize