do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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