Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
