I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
