I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize