Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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