I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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