"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
