She is in my trunk
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize