you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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