Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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