im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We're too hungover to prance.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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