shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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