is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
