What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize