so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We had to coat check the pizza.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
