question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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