p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
